to surrender is to suffer, yet to also rejoice

Why do I love God? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I go to CHOP every night? Is it because of religion or my duties? Why do I evangelize and pray and repent? Why do I do what I do? Why did I quit my job, leave CCM, let go of relationships and plans, and give my money away?

Is it because I just want to look holy? because I want to look good? because I know it’s something I should do since I know He loves me? Am I only doing it to get to heaven?

Why do I love Jesus?

After praying to God and asking God these questions, He gave me all these flashbacks of my life when I was not intentionally seeking Him. Although I’ve been “saved” ever since Jr. High, I’ve never really understood the majesty of God until a month ago. I’ve never understood my reasons for being a Christian. I was receiving so much love (supposedly) but what is my motive for doing so? Just to get to Heaven? If so, I need to repent. I’m not supposed to be using God to guarantee a spot in Heaven. Heaven is not the goal but rather, the goal should be to establish His kingdom on earth. It is the will of God for this world (not the will of God for me) that we must strive to achieve. 

I want to advance His kingdom and have everyone witness His majesty. Why? Because Jesus wants His children to know the tremendous amounts of love He has for them. 

But why am I doubting my love for God? 
Jesus, I rebuke all the lies that the enemy is trying to creep in. 

I want to be able to dine with Jesus at his banqueting table with all of His children.
I want to walk with my creator in His beautiful creation.
I want to open the golden door and enter the Heavens and see the River of Life.  

Jesus, you are good. And nothing can get in the way of my love for you. I will do nothing but serve your Body and lead others to your banqueting table. And through it all, I pray that I will be one of the ones who get recognized and embraced at the door.

Notes

  1. tissuebowl reblogged this from lisaharim
  2. kaylaykim said: Thank you, Lisa. Reading your posts encourages me so much.
  3. musingsonya said: lisa..i’m truly blessed to know someone like you. truly.
  4. lisaharim posted this