my constant prayer
I cannot make my own heart beat, no matter how hard I try.
I cannot make myself pump blood throughout my whole body, no matter how hard I push my body to do so.
There is nothing I can really do to make my body stay alive, except for maybe to breathe.
But even that is, eh.
I have no control over how the inner functions of my body works.
I cannot actively make my kidneys work so that I can pee without trouble.
I cannot urge my pancreas to create enough insulin for my body.
I cannot coerce my stomach to digest the food that I intake.
nor can I even push my lungs to take in the air that I breathe.
and the list goes on and on.
But after saying all of that, why (why!) is it that I think I still have this control over my body, my flesh, my soul? What makes me think I deserve this right over my body, when I can’t even make my own heart beat. Am I making sense, or do I sound ridiculously crazy and insane?
Jesus did not die for me so that I can live a life of comfort, full of materialistic and pleasurable things. He did not die so that I can live the way I want to live. God did not send His son onto this earth to die a horrible death so that I can just feel good about myself and my life.
Heck to the no.
He went through persecution after persecution and ultimately endured through beatings and lashings and eventual nailings to the cross. All of the disciples in the Bible went through persecution after persecution and by the end, most got martyred for their faith and walk with Jesus.
After all these things being said, what makes me even think that I am allowed a life free of persecution? We are called to live a life like Jesus, no? Then, what makes me think that I deserve a life any better than that of what He led?
Jesus, if you so desire, I am willing to give all of my possessions—my clothes, my shoes, my books, my phone (which is, ironically, already gone), my laptop, etc. etc.—so that Your will can be fully done on this earth. Not because I think I am or I want to be holy or righteous, but because You are worthy to have every ounce of my life.
Jesus! Burn away every single thing that does not please You in this filthy life of mine so that Your spirit within me can fully live that much more.
I really need this ugly, selfish, godless flesh of mine to die.
Just so that His beautiful, selfless, and holy Spirit can thrive within me.
May I lead a life that is only led by Your Spirit, oh Lord.
and may this be my constant prayer.
